I am a kind of girl who usually prides herself on her tight reign of her emotions. Not only can I usually control what feelings of mine, what side of me, which people can see but I can also keep myself from sentiments that make me too sad, too angry, too emotional!
But now and then I succumb to some assault on my sensitive side, which grows huge and in those days (or hours) and I feel everything a billion times multiplied.
Unfortunately, today is one of those days. This is one of those hours. And, somehow, its worse then it has ever been.
Why, you must be thinking, is she feeling down today? Why letting her feelings take over? What has pushed her beyond her limits?
The answer is one word that means so much and yet can mean nothing at all. Its a word that can change your life, that can make you smile, that can give reason to why you wake up most days. The answer is simple and yet so complicated, easy and yet the hardest thing in the world.
The answer is one word cherished universally, and that word is, friendship.
How beautifully mystifying and how misleadingly charming this word is, isn’t it? And yet the most lethal too.
However, its damage can go so much deeper, like a knife through your heart, if that friend was not just a friend, rather a best friend.
When the operative word becomes “was”, a part of you leaves you and walks away just as that person walks away, leaving you, taking away a little more of your innocence, removing the fogs from your eyes. Showing you the harsh reality.
The anger, the resentment in me makes me want to vow never to love a friend like I did this one. Never to cherish them like I did this one. Never to let them become as important a part of my life as I did this one.
But that’s unrealistic, that’s not humanly possible. And that’s something I know I cant do.
Then what is realistic?
In my set of mind right now I do not think I can sanely, logically differentiate between what is and what is not possible. Still,even in this frame of mind, I know this much-I will have to move on, I will have to forgive and forget.
And I will make myself vulnerable to the world once again. Because there is no life without risk, no joy without exposing yourself.
But then, maybe there could be some other solutions too.
Time will tell, as it will heal.
And till then I will wait, as patiently as I can!