How to let them go? 

8 Jan

Today I was talking to a friend, an old one, and somehow, the discussion got down to how we should take the end of relationships and the loss of people from our lives, and she asked me something that left me thinking. 

“If you had a friend, your best friend even, who was once a source of all things fun in your life, would you regret having met them and resent them? And would you try to hold on to them for those memories even though the present is no more the same or would you let them go, thankful for the past, hopeful for a better future?”

The answer to her question is both lengthy and complicated. But above all, it comes with too many variables to apply a common ‘solution’ for  all such people that we lose in our lives. 

But, if I’d to keep it concise, here is the conclusion we reached. 

The first question for the scenario is but obvious. Whoever the person under discussion is-friend, sibling or anyone else who was once important in your life but is no more an active part of it- did you enjoy the time you spent with them? Were you in those moments with them “infinite” or just ordinarily finite? 

If the answer is a yes, then that’s all that matters. For life is more about the perfect moments and the happy ones than who is here now and who was here yesterday. Maybe those who are leaving today could’ve proved to be toxic tomorrow, or cliché as it might be, maybe they are just making space for someone that would give you more joy. Fill you with more satisfaction. 

If the answer is a no, then you already know that there is no need to give any more thought to such people, such relationships. If it didn’t have a good past, there can be no hope for a much better future. What you can though hope for is to lose the need to be dependent on a few to make your life happier, putting on them a weight they are neither capable of carrying not worthy of being put to test for. 
Instead of fretting over inconsequential happenings, such as the comings and goings of people, be thankful to those who put a smile on your face yesterday and move on, without them if you have to, ready to meet new people to replace them. Search for more happiness rather than for more people, and you will come to see what and who really matters and who and what doesn’t. 

But the question still remains, for the sake of a great past, would you try to leech on to them in the present? 

The future is uncertain and unclear, and we as humans fear the unseen the most. And the idea of letting go of people who have become our constants makes it scarier. 

But does it? Doesn’t the idea of turning something great to something toxic just due to your inability to give in to change, scarier? Marring the memories of something good with the pain of a battle none can win-isn’t that worse? What use is there in holding on to people when they are no more willing to stay? What good can they bring to you? 

Life isn’t just short, it’s already running out on you. Rather than putting yourself through the misery of a lost fight, add to the width of your life with more people, more adventures more activities, more joy and more love and remove anything that leaves even a shadow of a shadow on your happiness. 

In short, the moral? 

Let them go. 

People who bring the shine to your life are worthy of fighting for, but if they are bent upon moving one without you, then letting them go is better for the ease of all parties involved. Any attempt at making it end otherwise will prove to be nothing but toxic. And you will regret making it worse than it was, regret the present and even the once-loved past. 

Stay safe and love yourself,

Gull

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2 Responses to “How to let them go? ”

  1. SandyLand January 9, 2016 at 1:26 pm #

    I had a friend for many years – since the second grade. I considered her a good friend and she considered me her best friend. Last June she ended our friendship abruptly. It turns out that when I stopped being her taxi and catering to her whim she saw that friendship as no longer valid. I was heartbroken in the moment – this friendship had spanned most of our lives – but looking back on the last 6-7 months, although it still saddens me that a good friendship has been lost, I am almost relieved at not having to worry about hurting her feelings or getting on her bad side if she’s not invited to an event. She lives a few towns away and has never had her driver’s license and always told me she didn’t live on a bus route (which turned out to be a lie) so she’d always rely on me to pick her up – even if that meant going in the opposite direction or rearranging specific plans to do so. She would get angry over little things, decide how much she hated her life, job, community, etc., yet never did anything to change her situation. More times than I can remember she would phone me crying because she was miserable or she had a fight with someone at work or she was lonely. And now that I’ve stepped away from the relationship I can see that the common denominator in all of her situations was her. I wish her the best and hope that she finds happiness, and although I will always miss the friendship we had, I’ve been able to let her go.

    • gullhasnat January 9, 2016 at 1:43 pm #

      That’s so sad, Sandy. Missing her is inevitable, I can get that, but what’s worse is we still love them. I’m happy though that you are at a point where you can see how letting her go was better for you. And maybe not having you there would push her to be a better version of herself, no. All my love to you though, for the loss. And for still being so strong. ❤️

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