Tag Archives: inspiration

Night blindness

26 Mar

One of the

hardest

steps to take,

are the ones towards

the search of

light,

when pitch black night has taken

residence

in your soul,

and the thought of sunshine

is

blinding your eyes.

Amnesia

25 Mar

It was when,

the idea of amnesia,

became both scary and

desirable,

that I knew it was real,

the love that I had,

and the heart break I had

suffered,

for while the later

tempted me

to forget,

the former made me hold on,

stronger,

to the memories

that I still wasn’t ready to

let go.

Image

Coming home

6 Mar

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She sat under the same old tree,
The branches of it barely sheltering her,
She still smiles but looks melancholy,
Wearing the same shirt, of that deep blue sea.
I walk up to her, as I do every week,
Then walk right past without a word,
She glances at me, she doesn’t speak,
But her dimmed eyes say it all.
There is pain, a loss of will,
And past her most frequent visitor,
Hope is not ready to come back till,
She is ready for the world.
I walk away, not turning back,
Tomorrow maybe I will say something,
Today though the courage I lack,
To comfort her, to convince myself.
In the distance, my abode seems to lure,
The hunger in me, my soul is ready for it,
But the evening out, so fresh so pure,
I am not ready for home, I am not ready to go.

Counting my way to the next sunrise

15 Feb

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Some days start,
their end comes so smoothly,

Like the blink of an eye,
a smile on a sunny day,

Some mornings they begin,
you count till it is dark,

The lights dim out,
the way they have inside you,

and the seconds are years,
never ending, yet instantaneous when they end.

The year that was.

1 Jan
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Plans for 2017

I had planned to write down, in what I was sure would be a very long list, all that I had lost in 2016, all that I had suffered.

I’d planned to write it out before 2017 began and to then cut off my ties with it all.

But when I finally got down to the writing, I could not help but concentrate on the positives. Finding good in things that had seemed unbearable when I was living through them, finally coming to a point where I could embrace all the memories, even those marred by various factors, just by separating the negative from them and focusing on the good they had brought to me.

It is true indeed that when we look at our past we do so through a rosy filter, where everything feels prettier than it really was.

But this was different because one little realization changed my perspective on all that had happened to me in the year that was; I was being thankless for the wonderful things I had achieved and experienced this year because I was too busy concentrating on the little inconsequential things that no more deserved my worrying..

I got so much of what I had been praying for. Internships abroad, travelling on my own, living alone oceans away from my family and making the most out of it, surviving without needing any crutches with my loved ones in different time zones, making new friends, holding on tighter to older ones and getting rid of those who were bringing only negativity in my life. I got through into my final year of med-school, I made huge progress on the book I am writing, I sketched more, I partook in surgeries and I got a chance to work with amazing surgeons. And with all of that, I lived to make my moral code stronger.

Above all, though, I feel in the past few years I’d begun to lose touch with who I was and what I wanted to be. My goals had become blurred and I’d begun to lose the rational part of myself to the emotional one. And to sit here today, seeing everything so clearly-my goals, myself and where I want to go-I am thankful to whatever forces in the world were the cause that I found my way back to myself. I fear if I hadn’t now, I would always have been lost and hence the dissatisfaction I’d begun to think was a part of me would have been my companion for life.

2016 has taught me so many lessons, lessons that maybe came the hard way, but they are ones that I hope will make 2017 better and easier for me.

So, I bid adieu to 2016, a stronger person, with more dreams in my head but with a steadier tread.

For now though, I will go be infinitely cliché and write down that usual round of resolutions that I won’t ever get around to achieving. In the meanwhile, I would love to hear from you as to what you learned from 2016 and what your resolutions for 2017 are.

Until next time, ever yours,
Gull.

 

 

 

 

Planning the perfect NYE

30 Dec
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Celebrate it with those who love you.

I am a big fan of planning parties. God, the high I get out of planning and hosting them, I earnestly believe in another life I was an event manager. If my college routine wasn’t so demanding, I probably would still have started it as a side business.But as the latter isn’t possible, I make do by throwing parties for friends.

And NYE seemed like a perfect occasion (ahm-excuse-ahm) to host another. But as I sat there making a list of ideas, I thought of how I celebrated last NYE and although the memory put a bittersweet smile on my face I realized something.

Of all the people I had rung in the new year with last year, fifty percent don’t matter to me any more, in fact I haven’t talked to some in a long while and the others I don’t think I want to talk to ever. (Is there a way to say that without sounding like a hater?)

And that’s when epiphany of all epiphanies hit me.

sidebar-nye-2016

Celebrate it with those you love.

I don’t want the main events of my life to be crowded by people who will sooner or later become so insignificant that I wont even think of them in weeks or months at a stretch; but more, I don’t want any of them to be marred by the memory of people whose reminder is stressful or hurtful in any way. Or just plain disgusting (again I say this at the risk of sounding like a harsh, cold person but I am not one, honestly).

In fact, I want only those there who are and have been constants in my life, who have remained by my side year after year, accepting the best and worst in me and still loving me, supporting me. Sticking to my side and being there for me when I needed them, giving a kind word as required, pushing me to give my best.

I have nothing against fair weather…people(?)-but on milestones, on big days, on the memorable events of my life, I want those there whose memory wont be hard in any way, those who will lift me up rather than bringing me down, those who bring me flowers when I am sick and tell me to straighten my shit out (excuse the language) when I am in a rut.

So this NYE, try doing it all a little different. Reach out to the ones who really matter, more-reach out to the ones who mattered five or ten years ago and who you think will do so as many years later too. Most importantly, this NYE, reach out to the ones to whom you matter and ring in the new year with them. 

At least that is what in my head is the perfect way to celebrate NYE this year and what I am planning to do.

I want only those people around me who won’t judge me, those I can let my shields down around, the ones who make my life better by just being there, those who never fail to be there when I have turned to them.

The ones I believe at times that I am not even worthy of to have in my life (yup, I am talking about those special ones).

These are your real family. No matter if these are your childhood friends, your highschool best friends,  your cousins, your ‘bae’, your siblings-they define family. This holiday season hold on to them just that much tighter and welcome the new year with them-call them over, go to them and if they are too far off, use Skype, use Facetime-virtually or not, celebrate it all with them this year. Believe me, you won’t regret it.

Afterall, what could be better than to get to celebrate it with your ‘family’, no? Question is, are you up for it?

In the end I will only say this-happy holidays, you all.

P.S. If I don’t get to post over the weekend, cheers to everyone out there.

And a Happy New Year.

Don’t let go

11 Dec

I miss writing.

That thought has been a recurrent one for me since the past three years.

Yes, three.

I don’t know how I let myself do this. How I let go of things that I loved in favor of other ones that I knew wouldn’t last.

I let the temporary replace the permanent, and that is the worst mistake anyone can make.

If you love something, really and deeply, don’t let it go. Or a part of you will forever be missing.

I just began writing again, and it took me that to realize how incomplete and empty I had been. To find the missing piece of myself felt like a coming home I had been waiting for all this time. The rush of having a story in your head come alive on a page in front of you is one I can never explain, but one that sends a warmth through me every single time. To watch that story mould in a way even you couldn’t foresee is an absolute pleasure. And I can’t tell you how much I regret having gone three years without getting to experience all of that.

Why is she going on and on about some re-found passion of hers? I will answer that question with a request, that request being the reason why I wrote all of this.

Don’t give up on things you love doing. No matter how busy you are, no matter how caught up in life or people you are, no matter how time-consuming other things have become, don’t let anything or anyone be the cause of you giving up on that which brings you joy. Force yourself to go back to the activities that used to give you so much pleasure. Find time, if even the smallest fraction of it, to give to that which was once so important to you. Rediscover your lost passions, at least give them a chance to win you over again. Maybe, they are a lost cause-as you keep telling yourself, or maybe something better awaits you.

Go on, give it one more shot. Because life, it is short, but also sly. Sometimes the best things in life are right under your nose. All it needs is being brave, or maybe even less-maybe all it needs is to keep holding on to your passions.And never letting them go. Maybe they wont lead you to something grand, but nothing is more satisfying than not giving up.

Our careers and education are indeed important and require too much of our time and attention, but these little things add the needed color to our lives. Otherwise it’s just a handful of early mornings and late nights speckled amongst days melting into one another as we work ourselves to the ground trying to make it big in our fields.

Before I end this post, for anyone out there who has lost a passion and is trying to find their way back, please reach out to me. Maybe I can help in some way.

And for anyone out there trying to write that earth-shattering best-seller (we can do it, right?) while managing their college routine, my heart is with all of you. And so are my prayers.

Stay blessed,

Gull.

 

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